The secret of a happy marriage
Maybe you should write this down
You wanna keep a love together
The best way is to end it now
When there’s no pretending
Then the truth is safe to say
Start with the ending
Get it out of the way
Now there’s no defending
Because no one has to win
Start with the ending
It’s the best way to begin
–David Wilcox “Start With The Ending”
Several years ago, the pastor at my church in Los Angeles began his first sermon by quoting these lines.
“Here’s my proposal,” he said. “Let’s break up before we begin.” Several laughed, and he continued.
“Some of you have asked how you can pray for me. It’s one prayer, and it’s what I’m praying for this church—that we would be honest people.”
Since then, friends have stood onstage in front of a thousand people and admitted to suicide attempts, sexual addictions, materialism—as well as other hang-ups. I think the church leaders and congregants can be proud of what they’ve accomplished.
I’m going to out myself today—I do online dating. I didn’t want to; it gives me a creepy feeling just talking about it. But I didn’t see a choice. I wasn’t meeting people in the Bay Area.
What I find interesting about online dating is the way most of the profiles read. A loyal and passionate woman who’s low maintenance, happy and great at conversation. I can’t help but wonder if the dating world were truly full of energetic, easy-going, optimistic people with a disdain for drama, would there be a need for all these sites?
Who doesn’t want to put his or her best foot forward and make a good impression? Sadly, the way it often works, a few months (or few years) into a friendship or romance, we see qualities in the other person that weren’t included on the profile. It leaves us shell-shocked.
The first recorded tears in the Bible were shed by Abraham at the death of his wife, Sarah. Their marriage was not easy; it was filled with deception and adultery. Abraham tried twice to prostitute Sarah to other men. But it ended well—a man grieving the loss of his beloved.
Anyone can begin well; it’s something else to end well. I like to believe that it comes by being transparent and accepting the faults of our loved ones— realizing that we all carry scars and, sooner or later, they will be uncovered.